3 poems in 'Superpresent magazine'

published in the Winter Issue of Superpresent magazine, 2021

reverie

one cloudy afternoon

this city was crying from within me

the closer I get the colder it gets

my lungs, my lungs

my stomach couldn’t stand it

couldn’t bear the longing

the night is thick and the lights are rare

I no longer perceive space

this city can touch me

this city can banish me

the memory of you, the memory of you

the only memory I treat as luxury

my God, the past nourishes me

with tenderness

I close my eyes, the city is gone

half asleep, in an unphysical space now

you suddenly look up and recognize me

 

Checklist (sometime soon)

Recently I

 slept inside Chopin’s nocturnes

 shortly fantasized about you

 crossed the city several times

 caught every bus on time

 thought of my ex for 3 seconds everyday

 took a taxi two times

 watched two live performances

 lit candles in the cathedral

 thought that I need to be a little more sad 

to write poetry

 didn’t touch myself 

(not once, 

my body’s a stranger)

 smoked a little too much

 helped a beggar with

a little too much money

 cleaned the house

 texted everyone back on time

 lit candles on the balcony after buying

yellow roses in the supermarket

 slept naked

 coldly thought that I want to fall in love

for real

 didn’t feel impatient

 didn’t feel hungry for sex

 didn’t feel disgusted by sex

 didn’t drink enough wine

 didn’t break any glass or plate or vase

 prayed without praying

prayed by praying

 lost some weight

(unintentionally)

 didn’t worry about the future

 didn’t worry about the past

 got disconnected from my own memory

 lived on my own

(lived alone)

 spent money wisely

modestly

luxuriously

 walked

walked

walked the streets of the city

 locked the door six times every night

 killed a beetle

 fed the pigeons

 remade my coffee when it wasn’t tasty enough

 ticked everything on the list

 set alarms

 said goodnight to him

(and to you)

 thought this (I mean that) might be my first masterpiece

 fell asleep

 woke up

 felt life had meaning

 played Chopin again

 thought of no one in particular

 felt young

 felt immortal

 didn’t feel afraid of death

or of getting old

 thought I need to fall in love

not right now

a little later

sometime soon.

Afternoons under the earth

What am I doing with these afternoons that refused to die?

What am I doing with the longing that couldn’t be tamed,

With my resigned pride, with all this salt and water?

For so long I lived

In the safety of my

Aristocratic contempt.

Unexpectedly, my heart opened

Everything I’d tried to crush

Pushed the walls of my heart

With the delicate power with which

Nature springs up through cement

And opened her gently and then all at once.

I burst; I hadn’t known these afternoons

Were kindly asking to take another deep breath

Before returning under the earth.